James Hurricane

I found a draft writen about a month ago, when in my head things were getting better. The draft inspired me to write this post, which is my good bye to all the best you did for me in such a short time. Unfortunately I can't keep feeding such feelings if they don't do me any good at all. This is a selfish and coward way to put an end in something which never even started, although is the better one I could find to suffer less and try get over you.

I'm in love. Yes, it is misery. The kind of thing you cannot control. You cannot avoid. You cannot hide for much longer. The kind of thing you don't plan on, but it comes unannounced and breathtaking. 

We met a couple months ago. Things went fast, really fast. I couldn't complain, ever! You were the dream I never thought was real. I was being myself, as usual, but suddenly I couldn't anymore. I'm a complicated girl, who is used to hide feelings and don't get attached to anything or anybody. Being single became a specialty. Being racional and real about relationships became a born gift. My life was fine until you appear.

Then you came all sweet and tender and cute. I fought. I fought hard to be as insensitive as a stone every time you called me or texted me on my cel phone. I did. It was easy at first, then when I started to smile to myself and I busted myself thinking about you while I listened to a romantic song, I got hard and painful.

James Hurricane... You deserve this name. Your existence is amazing. Maybe you'll grab, but who cares? It's just the truth. Despite of the distance I'm really glad I found you on Earth [or maybe you found me first, it doesn't really matter]. This is a post to give you thanks for always being so great and for being exactly what I needed: someone free and fun, who never tried to change me, despite of the honest coments about my black-and-white-long-dress. 

You knew the right time for every little thing: when to call, when to ask out and when to take a break for a few weeks. You never choked. Never complained. Could it be any better? No. It was perfect, but as usual, I went wrong, I fell for you. It is good when we get together, but it's for the best to get apart because the casual stuff hurts me now. It hurts because it's not enough. It hurts because I want you to be mine.

James Hurricane, what a funny name. It's a joke who just the two of us know what it means... I wanna let you know that you're right. Maybe someday when I see things differently or decide to bring down my shields from the heart, I'll look for you to say all these dramatic words in Portuguese, at your face. For now I'm just a coward girl not so self assured, who never let you drive her home. Sometimes we need to step back and shut up our mouth. I guess I love you, Arsenal. That's why I'll try to get out from your sight. 

Best wishes. Bye...

Xxxx